


my baby's fit like a day dream

by charbrose



Category: One Day at a Time (TV 2017)
Genre: M/M, schneider is bi
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-30
Updated: 2018-07-30
Packaged: 2019-06-18 14:19:36
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,529
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15487734
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/charbrose/pseuds/charbrose
Summary: got no turning back, i'mma flirt with that/or schneider's bisexual awakening





	my baby's fit like a day dream

**Author's Note:**

> a/n: i subscribe to the fandom belief that schneider is bi, so this is my take on that fan theory. my inspiration for schneider's boyfriend is john cho who is best known for harold and kumar as well as the star trek movies. thank you to beth for reading this over and encouraging me to post it.

~*~my baby's fit like a day dream~*~  
pairing: dwayne schneider/oc  
summary: got no turning back, i'mma flirt with that/ or schneider's bisexual awakening  
rating: t

It's Elena's first Pride and while WeHo didn't necessarily hold the best memories (cocaine, glitter, jager bombs and a blur of faces and bodies he'd never remember), Schneider wasn't going to let that deter him from coming with her and Alex. 

He tries – as he watches the younger Alvarez be dragged every which way by the elder – not to grimmace, not to remember who he used to be, how before Lydia and her sopa del pollo and forehead kiss and “you eat this, you sleep and tomorrow, you try again” he wasn't worthy of anything close to this. 

His heart swells with, well, pride (no pun intended) at Alex stripping out of his polo to wear the “I love my lesbian sister” tee Elena had bought him. He stuffs his hands in his pockets, following close behind but not too close, as instructed, soft smile on his face as he watches them inspect bracelets, pins, necklaces and other accessories at one of the tents.

“Your first Pride or her first Pride?” There's a tone as velvety as Father's good whiskey from behind him and when Schneider turns, the world seems to have stopped spinning. A bit dramatic, perhaps, but eyes that are deep and warm, yet somehow sparkling are staring back at him, and he isn't sure if he's breathing. He should probably check, but all he can see are those eyes set in a warmly shaped face with sharp cheekbones and pillowy soft lips.

“Both,” He finally manages and he's rewarded with rich laughter. “It's wonderful to see a father supporting his daughter, that doesn't happen nearly as often as it should. Your matching hipster glasses are adorable, by the way.”

If he – this gorgeous, beautiful speciman of a man – were anyone else, Schneider would hastily correct them, because... um, no he is far too young and gorgeous to be the father of a sixteen year old girl (duh), but then he remembers standing in the Alvarez's kitchen when Elena fixed the sink. He remembers the brightness in her eyes as she dubbed herself a “handy ma'am.” He remembers her quinces in her beautiful white suit and sparkling top, her ebony curls flowing, tiara on her head and yeah, okay he isn't her father, per say... like in the literal definition and all, but there are worse kids around here that could be mistaken for his progeny. She should feel lucky someone would think so highly of her.

His correction isn't hasty, but he does correct Mr. Hunky, nonetheless.

“Uh, she isn't, we're not... I'm... Uh...” He's fumbling something he's not used to, at least when he's not in a crisis situation. “I'm a close friend of her family,” He admits, lips quirked briefly. “Her Abuelita, Lydia,” Rubbing at the back of his neck. “Helped me out when I was, uh, in a bad way, let's say? Yeah, we'll go with that,” A bad way there's a voice in the back of his head, that's one way to put going through rehab six times. better stick with it, you don't want to scare him off just yet. “And they live in the building that I own. They've been really good to me, far too good,” A wry chuckle. “So, yeah, I'm gonna support her, Elena, that's her name any way I can. She's a great kid.”

Mr. Hunky nods, thoughtful look passing over his gorgeous features. “Come here,” He says, reaching for his hand and their fingertips touch, there's this jolt of something that Schneider's never felt before because he's never been interested in the “l” word or “feelings,” he's always been concerned with the warmth of a body that can make him forget, so this – the jolt – is new but not unpleasant, far from it, if he's being honest.

“She – Elena – is, like, a total Social Justice Warrior gay, right?” There's that rich laughter again and Schneider's stomach feels like he's on the tilt-a-whirl at the Calgary Stampede. “The way she's gesturing and ranting and how she's only wearing Chapstick gives it away,” Peering from behind criminally velvet lashes. “So she'd appreciate something like this. This is, uh, the Free 2 Luv booth. With every purchase of one of their Pride Packs, they give an Empowerment Package to a child who's struggling with their idenity so they know they're not a lone. And, um, for purely selfish reasons, I think you'd look really great in their signature Rock Luv Not Hate tee.”

“Do you now?” His voice is almost a purr and Mr. Hunky laughs, soft blush creeping across his sharp cheeks. “I do.” Deep and warm like chocolate is being spilled over his skin.

.  
.  
.

 

They're trudging through Alvarez's front door, Elena chattering excitedly with Syd who couldn't come because she was visiting her grandparents, as was her family's tradition during the summer while Alex toes off his sneakers and flops on the couch, and he's bringing up the rear. He swears he can still feel the warmth of Elena's body against his, her face nuzzling his chest and her squeal ringing in his ears when she saw his t-shirt.

Just like he can still feel the tingles rushing along his spine, ping-ponging, as Jake – that's Mr. Hunky's name, Jake – found a discarded pen and scribbled his number on his palm. It was so high school and it shouldn't have been as charming as it was, but damn if he didn't know exactly what he was doing.

“I have returned your children to you!” He announces, flopping next to Alex who's already started up his PlayStation. “We survived, despite the sun trying to murder us all. I mean, seriously, I am from British Columbia, I am meant to be kept cool. This heat is as opressive as Che Guevra, am I right or am I right?”

Penelope snorts as she rolls her eyes. “I wish I could have been there,” She's holding Elena, kissing her forehead and Elena tilts her head back, soft look on her face, “Me, too Mami, but...” She gives a heavy sigh. “Schneider wasn't that bad. At least no one thought we were father and daughter. Cause I could not handle that again.” She sticks her tongue out at him and he laughs. “His t-shirt's almost as cool as Alex's. It's from this company called Free 2 Luv...”

The teenager's voice fades away as his mind drifts back to Jake and he wonders... Thinking about the pink, blue and purple merchandise in particular was he or was it just Jake?

.  
.  
.

 

bi.sex.ual  
adjective  
1\. sexually attracted to both men and women  
noun  
1\. a person who is sexually attracted to both men and women

 

His lap top is open and he's staring at the screen, fingers drumming absently as the cup of coffee that's next to the computer grows cold. He's pushing 29... okay, in the privacy of his own home with no one around he can admit it's more like 40 (he briefly shudders at the thought) and shouldn't this have happened before? I mean, helloooooooo, he attended an all boys boarding school. 

Though... he leans back in his chair, stroking his beard, mind wandering... Top Gun's volleyball scene... Uh, doesn't count, a voice in the back of his head spoke up. That did things to everyone, my friend. Try again!

Maybe – when he took that spin class – his eyes wandered, but could he really be blamed? All that tight spandex and lycra? How could he not look? Those bodies – women and men – were all firm and toned, and ugh, he's only human. He sighs, pushing his fingers through his hair, remembering the compliments he lavished onto Max when he had been dating Penelope, but... no. He could appreciate the guy's six-pack and the way his sturdy forearms would flex, but nah.

Sooooooo.... just Jake, then?

Buuuuuuut... what about the cute college kid from Whole Foods? The one who bags at register number four? Not that he exclusively uses that lane, because he certainly does not, thank you very much, even though he does. His dark hair perfectly gelled, dimples and hazel flecked coffee eyes... yeah, except no because – another shudder – he's again in his apartment by himself so he can admit it – he's old enough to be his father.

However... there's the guy he sees jogging down Baxter while he leisurely rides his bike... He's all warm golden skin and sinewy muscle that ripple with every pump of his arms and his thighs... Yeah.

Sooooo... maybe not just Jake?

.  
.  
.

It was a tradition since that fateful day Lydia had come to visit him in rehab, they had their daily cafe e cubano and would catch up on Mi familia perfecta. Today was no exception, however, today she was quiet. Ominously quiet. Normally he would have filled the scilence with his patented nervous chatter, but he was afraid all his secrets would come spilling out.

Not that he had secrets or that him trying to figure out his sexuality was a secret. 

And it's not like he couldn't tell Lydia, of all people. She had a gay granddaughter.

If he were to tell anyone about what was going on, there's no reason why it shouldn't be her.

She delicately sipped at her coffee, watching him with her bright, knowing eyes. “Eh Schneider, I have noticed you have had no jeva for some time now,” She said, her tone purposely cool. “I have not seen your fancy silken dressing gown with the S,” to emphasize she draws a serpentine figure in the air between them with one of her immaculately painted fingers. “I know that S may stand for Schneider, but I also know it stands for another S word. The Schneider I know never goes too long without his S robe.”

“Maybe, I dunno,” He rubs at the back of his neck nervously. “I'm, uh, y'know turning over a new leaf. Pen's always saying there's more to life than just y'know the other S word,” His eyebrows shoot to his hairline as he swallows thickly, coffee cup fluttering between him and Lydia. “I mean... My thirtieth birthday is around the corner,” A burst of weak laughter. “It's time to grow up, to stop being the rich, trustfund man child baby Elena's always saying I am, isn't?” He rises from his chair with his usual dramatic flourish. “If not now, Lydia, when?” He asks pointedly.

.  
.  
.

 

As soon as he left the Alvarez's apartment the night after Pride, he programmed Jake's number into his phone. Since that night, he hadn't gotten the nerve to call him. He thought about it, maybe just a sip (what could it hurt) for courage... The familiar burn would calm his nerves, the astringent taste of vodka or gin would coat his tongue, then he could hit the green connect button and he'd be charming and funny and Jake would hit him up with u up after he hung up and then...

It's flashes... Their tan skin mingling... The rough scrape of his beard against the other's sturdy jaw, pillowy soft lips lingering along the lean lines of his hips.

He swallows thickly, pulling at the collar of his shirt, the temperature in his apartment suddenly having risen at least ten degrees.  
He doesn't call Jake, he goes through Tinder and swipes right on the first photo that populates.

.  
.  
.

 

“Hey, uh, it's the fifteenth of the month and I already paid rent so what gives, Landlord?” There's Penelope's familiar tone and relief floods his body. He feels like he can breathe again. He thanks whatever master of the universe that she actually answered, instead of ignoring him like she usually did. Though, he suspected that had more to do with the fact that he was calling her and not texting or dm'ing via instagram.

“Schneider?!” Her voice is raised and he comes back to himself, hearing the thudding base of the EDM and he scrambles through the sea of writhing bodies, pushing and not apologizing as he rushes toward the door. He takes in gulps of air and whispers, his voice strained, “I need you to come get me. Please, Pen, I wouldn't ask if I didn't really,” He stresses. “Need you to.”

“What happened?” It's a tone reserved for Alex or Elena, he's heard it many times before, which is how Penelope greets him as the passenger door of the CRV pops open. Her hazel eyes are soft, the look on her beautifully rounded face is gentle and he lets out a shaky exhale, pushing his fingers through his hair. 

“I, uh, you know met a gal like I do...” He laughs weakly, fingers pushing through his hair again. “And, uh... We were dancing and things got moi calente,” His voice is higher than normal, slightly reedy as he feels his palms start to sweat. “Then she, um, offered me heroine.” Barely above a whisper. “I couldn't get ahold of my sponsor and, uh, there was...” A thick swallow. “No one else.” A soft admission.

“Thank God you called me,” Her tone is full of relief and she reaches for him, his head suddenly in her lap and fingers carding through his hair. “I've imagined this scenario, my head in your lap in your car many times, too many, probably but, uh, the circumstances...”

“Don't,” Authoritative and Schneider's self-preservation instincts kick in because Pen was in the Army and she probably (no, definitely) knows at least a 100 ways to kill him, so instead of finishing his sentence, he looks up at her, through his lashes – the way he used to look at his mother and step moms one and four – and tells her, “Muchos gracias, Lupe.”

“What happened tonight?” She asks eventually, her soft voice breaking through the silence.

Schneider takes a deep breath, his Adam's apple bobbing. He laces his fingers through hers and tells her everything.

.  
.  
.  
swing a little further, higher   
underneath the big top trees  
scrape my knees, whatever, uh huh  
i'm gonna let them bleed  
got no turning back, i'mma flirt with that  
get a little closer, get a little closer  
\- “cliff's edge” - hayley kiyoko

 

The phone's ringing, he's dialed Jake's number and instead of hanging up right away (like he had been doing), he lets it ring and then he hears, “I was wondering if you were ever gonna call. I'm normally not a make the first move kinda guy, but if I had to be...”

Schneider laughs, a little too loud at first, and once the sound as faded away to his own ears, he says, “I wouldn't have minded if you made the first move. I was just, uh, waiting for the right time. You can't rush perfection. It's like the glorious, iconic Lydia Riera always says,” He puts on his best accent, hands flourishing as he says, “Would you tell a rose to bloom faster?”

“So you're a rose, huh?” Deep and velvety and Schneider swears he's actually whispering those words in his ear. “I wouldn't say that. Though, her daughter Penelope says I have the soft white hands of Geisha, I am very manly. I know my way around a tool box. There's nothing I haven't been able to fix. If there's something that needs to be drilled or nailed...” He drops his voice a pitch. “I'm your man.”

“Are you...” Those two words, so simple, yet so... hot sending everything rushing south, his blood suddenly hot and thick. “Well...” Somehow, he finds his voice. “I am the President of the Guild of the Custodial Arts... and oh,” The word drawn out as he lets wry laughter tumble from his lips. “I said that out loud, didn't I?”

“You did... but it's cute. Usually, uh, my gay-dar or bi-dar is full proof,” Jake admits. “But I'm the first guy you've ever tried to flirt with, huh? I just thought y'know the glasses, how tight your jeans were that you were, um... One or the other and um...” His voice trails away and Schneider takes in a deep breath, “Bi...” He says quickly. “Definitely bi. So, uh, your bi-dar is still fully operational considering you knew before I even did.”

cliff's edge, you turn me on  
you lead me on  
you lead me on  
a cliff's edge, where i belong  
you got me on  
and turn me on  
i wanna feel that sea breeze  
i wanna feel that sea breeze

.  
.  
.  
It's not a date, per say, Jake said he had something wrong with his bedroom door and asked if Schneider would come over to fix it, being the President of the Guild of Custodial Arts and all that. 

He made sure – even though it wasn't a date – to wear his sluttiest Henley (the tan material was so thin, it was practically see through) and his tightest jeans. He exfoliated and used two paper masks (despite the box saying to use only one) so his skin would be glowing youthfully and grabbed his biggest tool box and drove down Baxter to Jake's apartment.

“Hey,” There he was standing in his doorway looking too good. The Dodgers t-shirt he was wearing was worn in the best way, fitting his nicely formed shoulders and hugging his torso. His jeans, when he turned around to lead him inside, hugged an ass you could bounce a quarter off of and his feet were bare, something that was so cute.

His hair was mussed, his fingers carding through it and the slight flex of his lean bicep made Schneider's stomach flip.

“Voila!” He announces, moving the bedroom door back and forth after he had tightened the hinge. “My work here,” He bows with a flourish. “Is done. Or is it?” He bends slightly as Jake was a head shorter than he when he leans in close. “Maybe...” He decides to go for broke, running a finger down the length of his torso and then back again. “I should get out my drill?” He waggles his eyebrows for effect and Jake laughs, deep eyes sparkling bright, as his lips quirk attractively.

“I have a five date policy about...” Jake's voice drops in pitch while he moves closer, their bodies pressed together. He stands on his tip toes (adorable) to reach Schneider's ear as he finishes his sentences, “Drills.”

“Five dates, huh?” Schneider lets out a sigh. “No chance in, uh, updating that policy is there?” 

When he put his hands on Jake's hips he doesn't know and the other's right hand is at the back of his neck, fingers moving back and forth against the hair at his nape. His fingers are so warm just like the rest of his body. His eyes flutter as he feels Jake's breath against his lips, their foreheads now touching and he swallows thickly. This is it. They're going to kiss. He's going to kiss a man. For the first time.

stripped to the waist  
we fall into the river  
cover your eyes   
so you don't know the secret  
i've been trying to hide  
we held our breath  
to see our names are written  
on the wreck of '86  
that was the year  
i knew the panic was over  
“anything could happen” - ellie goulding

 

There's a firmness – even though Jake's lips are as pillowy soft as he imagined – that was both unexpected and nice when Jake's lips press against his own. His eyes flutter when Jake's tongue swipes against his bottom lip and his teeth nibble at his lower lip, and he feels his knees go wobbly.

First kisses aren't supposed to be like this. They're sloppy with tongues tangling recklessly and hands roaming everywhere and teeth gnashing. They're not supposed to be soft and warm, moving at a perfect pace, not slow and not fast but right. 

He's never been kissed like this before, like someone wants to kiss him and not just kiss him so they could get to sex. His brain shuts off, short circuiting, somewhere between Jake's tongue touching his own or when one of his hands reached around their bodies and grabbed his right cheek, fingers kneading the denim to draw them closer together.

“Cool, cool, cool, cool, cool, cool,” Leaves his lips when they finally come up for air, foreheads pressed against each other. Because, honestly, what are you supposed to say when you're trying to bring air back into your lungs after being kissed like that.

“That was like six cools,” Jake laughs, voice raspy as he licks at his lips. “Does that mean it was good?”

“Yeah, yeah, yeah...” He laughs, ducking his head as cheeks go read and Jake sticks two fingers underneath his chin, lifting is head so they're staring at each other again. He kisses him again, their tongues tangle briefly this time and when he pulls back he gives a rakish grin as he says, “Cool, cool, cool, cool, cool, cool.”

yes since we found out  
since we found out  
that anything could happen  
anything could happen  
anything could happen  
anything could happen  
anything could happen  
anything could happen  
anything could

**Author's Note:**

> note: soundtrack "cliff's edge" by hayley kiyoko and "anything could happen" by ellie goulding. also "weho" is short for West Hollywood were Los Angeles holds their annual Pride parade.


End file.
